My Seminary professor, Dr. Gerry Breshears, has been one of those people in my life who I consider a gift from God. Our relationship came at the right time, in the right way, for the purposes to help me navigate these last few years as I encountered situations in contexts that were unexpected. While in my third year of seminary, Gerry had undergone some cancer tests. These tests came back positive for cancer. As we walked with him through this journey, being the consumate teacher that he is, he took the opportunity to share with us his students what God taught him long ago when encountering circumstances that are life altering and difficult to navigate. This last summer as I had my own cancer scare, I was grateful to have his words and his example to glean from. I’m going to share his process with you as I have found it invaluable. I hope that it will encourage you, giving you the tools to navigate well whatever transition you find yourself in, as this framework has greatly encouraged me.
There are four steps to apply when walking through uncertain circumstances without a clear end in sight:
When looking to the past, the past is for lessons learned.
Naturally when we are presented with difficult news, one of the first things we can do after getting over the initial shock is our minds go back in time and ask “What could I have done differently?” This is a natural choice to make when thinking about how you got here in the first place.
Having walked through what you have and now facing what you are, the past can be a helpful tutor. Your experiences will now shape and inform what you do in the future. Here are few lessons I have learned in the recent past:
People show you who they are in the first five minutes of meeting them. Believe them when they tell you who they are.
Our reactions are mirrors that reflect who we are in the moment, and by observing them without judgment we can gain self-knowledge to inform our responses going forward.
Anger is often grief in disguise, signaling we have lost or stand to lose something precious; by pausing to compassionately identify the threatened love behind our rage, we can begin properly mourning our loss and restoring what still remains within our power.
Though it's natural to feel disappointment over mistakes, we gain more by embracing our fallibility with patience and curiosity rather than self-criticism - learning from the past to wisely shape the future, while offering ourselves the same gentle grace we'd give a close friend.
I don’t make good decisions when I’m tired. Sleep is a valuable tool and helpful friend when I need to make critical decisions.
When making decisions or future plans, base them only on what you KNOW.
When faced with uncertain circumstances, it is natural to consider all possible scenarios and explore various possibilities, especially if you are a problem solver. However, instead of becoming overwhelmed by the unknown, it is important to focus on taking action based on the information you have. Rather than dwelling on hypothetical situations, which can be paralyzing, it is better to assess real dangers based on the present reality. By making decisions and future plans grounded in what you know, you can avoid being influenced by unhelpful conjecture or fear-inducing speculation.
One of the more memorable moments for me when I experienced this was just before our oldest daughter was born. Someone approached me with a stack of photocopied articles and book excerpts, congratulating me on our soon-to-be-born daughter and urging me to read the material to become well-informed. The material claimed that immunizing our child could lead to autism or various disabilities. The information sought to persuade me that if I cared for my child’s health, I should not allow her to be immunized against life-threatening and debilitating diseases. I was furious. Thankfully, the person left before I had a chance to confront them. When I realized what was happening, I threw the articles in the trash. It was an offensive and unhelpful gesture, especially for a new dad who was already unsure about parenting. We resolved to focus on making decisions based on what we knew to be true.
People have the right to make a choice regarding immunizations, however unsolicited advice that amounts to conjecture is not kind nor loving to offer.
For the record, all of our children have been immunized and they are thriving.
Don’t dwell in the “what if’s”.
Satan lives in the realm of "what if's," but it's important not to dwell there. The mind can become consumed with endless possibilities of what the future may hold. This can be paralyzing and prevent us from taking any action. However, there is a distinction between danger and fear. Real danger exists in the present and can be assessed based on what currently is. Fear, on the other hand, stems from the unknown because it pertains to events that have yet to occur. The "what if's" are rooted in attempting to predict a future that has not yet unfolded. Our minds have the ability to navigate through daunting situations and scenarios, which can be terrifying and lead us to become immobilized or make irrational choices based on outcomes or situations we have yet to experience.
Look for Jesus in the midst of the situation (He can be easy to miss sometimes), and then live faithfully in that spot.
The way God describes Himself can be found in the book of Exodus:
“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin.” Exodus 34:6-7 (NIV)
How does this change your perspective on your circumstances or the role you play in them? Often, we question why God would allow us to experience difficulty, pain, or hardship if He loves us. One reason is that He respects our choices. However, another aspect of His grace is that He is with us in our experiences. He enters into our lives and is present in every situation. He holds the world together with His word and yet pays attention to even the smallest details of our lives. The Bible describes this by saying that He knows the very number of hairs on our heads.
God accompanies us in both good and difficult times. He offers Himself to us as a source of peace, comfort, and strength in the darkest moments. Sometimes, a situation doesn't need an immediate solution; rather, we need to be still. By being still, we allow God to be God, knowing that He is working everything for His ultimate glory, which is ultimately for our good. This is a profound mystery, but for those who grasp it, it brings life.
When we face uncertain or difficult circumstances, there are some helpful guidelines we can follow. We can learn from the past while offering ourselves grace, make decisions based only on what we presently know, avoid getting lost in “what-ifs” about the future, and look for where God is present with us in each moment. If we can embrace this wise counsel, it will anchor us during storms and remind us we are not alone. Though we may not have control over situational outcomes, we can control our responses - reacting with faith rather than fear. By fixing our eyes on Jesus minute-by-minute, we gain an eternal perspective that infuses peace and purpose into our daily lives. When the winds of change blow, these principles can serve as ballast for our souls.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my reflections. Our minutes and hours are precious gifts, and I'm grateful that you chose to spend some of yours reading my thoughts. It is my hope that these principles, shared by my professor on navigating life's uncertainties, can encourage and anchor you, just as they have for me. Thank you for allowing me to share what I've learned. My prayer is that, despite whatever storms we face, we can fix our eyes on Jesus together, minute-by-minute, facing the winds and waves with enduring faith, hope, and love.