I am not what I do.
I am not my worst mistake.
I am not my failures.
I am not my best moment.
I am not defined by my past.
I am not my fears.
I am not limited by others' expectations.
I am not confined by my circumstances.
I am not what has happened to me.
I recently received an unexpected honor: an invitation to speak at a European pastors and leaders conference. I was humbled by the opportunity to share with others who were navigating the challenging landscape of church ministry in a largely post-Christian Europe. This was particularly significant for me, having lived in Austria for four years, a brief but formative period in my life. Now, after 23 years back in the states, I was returning to encourage my brothers in faith. This stirred a strong feeling of imposter syndrome within me.
I questioned my worthiness to offer wisdom or encouragement to these dedicated leaders. There was one moment where I felt inadequate and overwhelmed by the task at hand, especially when considering the many others who could have taken my place. Despite sharing various experiences in this blog series about transitions, I recognize that sometimes I can overlook even the most important lessons in the heat of the moment.
You may wonder what this has to do with transition, the supposed focus of this blog series. The connection is this: identity is central to transition.
Despite my self-doubt, I was the one invited to participate in the conference. I was the one given the opportunity. I was 9000 miles from home, committed to the task. I had the backing of those who had shared their knowledge and experience with me over the years, those who believed I had something to offer, and those I sought to impart love, truth, and grace to on a weekly basis. How could I not be qualified for what I had been invited to do?
In the midst of transition (which new opportunities are a form of transition) it is crucial that we know who we are.
Knowing ourselves and nurturing our identity gives us an inner compass to navigate life's twists and turns. When we lack self-awareness, we grasp for things to fill the void - chasing possessions, status, and accolades trying to find value. But real meaning stems from within (more on this later).
Exploring our core values, passions, strengths allows us to build conviction and self-trust. Understanding our weaknesses and shadows grounds us in humility and compassion. By becoming intimate with all facets of ourselves, we cultivate authenticity.
This self-knowledge lights an inner fire of purpose. We gain the courage to live by our truths, instead of passively absorbing society's scripts. Every storm, challenge, and loss holds less power to shake us when our roots grow deep into our soul's soil.
This has also been called, “Knowing your why”. Self-awareness means tuning into our unique “why”. Knowing what makes you come alive and drives you to action gives you a compass to navigate life's twists and turns. As we nurture self-knowledge, we get clarity on our individual why which serves as an anchor in stormy seas. Understanding what gives your life meaning separates you from drifting through others' expectations.
Look within to reveal the specific contribution only you can make because of who you are. Let your singular why – not applause or validation - be the non-negotiable guiding your choices.
I invite you on a journey towards your center. What calls to your wild, free spirit? What insights emerge in stillness? What is it that stirs your soul? Find power in reclaiming all that you are. The world needs your unique voice and vision - let your identity be a force for truth and wholeness.
On August 6, 2016, a tearful Brett Favre spoke at the NFL Hall of Fame induction ceremony. He revealed unresolved wounds in his bond with his late father, he exposed the fragile nature of identity. Before a hall honoring legends, he revealed lingering inner shadows of the boy still grasping for validation.
In those minutes, we glimpsed the central struggle that had trailed this formidable player - unable to fully absorb his father’s pride into his emerging identity. Though bold on the field, fragility lived beneath the surface. His sense of self-worth remained tangled in how his dad had seen him.
As Favre bared his lingering pains, we witnessed identity as an ongoing negotiation between how others have seen us and how we’ve learned to see ourselves. In appealing to reconnect with his late father’s spirit, we saw our stories can be continuously rewritten across our lives, transformed by loss and memory alike into new understandings of who we yet may become.
My identity is shaped by numerous factors. I am a son, brother, friend, husband, a girl-dad, pastor, boss, community member, dog owner, and a man who has experienced both profound loss and deep joy. However, most of these roles could be taken away. If my identity relied solely on any one of them, it would be unjust to that aspect of my life. None of these roles or the precious people in my life can bear the weight of my expectations or hope.
My primary identity lies in being a child of God. This is not due to my actions, but a free gift from God through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus can carry the weight of my expectations and identity. While God exists beyond me, He also resides within me. When I accept Jesus as King, Savior, and God, the Spirit of God enlivens my spirit. This is something no one can take away. Even in my darkest moments, I remain a child of God. My identity is constant, providing strength, peace, joy, and hope.
In this life, change often brings growing pains. When seasons shift, uncertainty and doubt may tempt me to build my identity on shifting sands. Despite my best efforts to control how others perceive me, I cannot escape moments feeling like an imposter.
It's then I'm reminded that regardless of transition, one foundation undergirds my being - the constancy of my Creator who fashioned me with intentionality and purpose. Though storms arise and feelings ebb and flow, God's faithful love persists.
On days when disappointments leave me questioning my calling and worth, He whispers truth to my weary soul. As dreams are birthed and hopes change, He draws near to remind me that success rests not in achievement but identity rooted in Whose I am.
My life’s transitions cannot overturn His anchor of peace within nor the sanctuary of abiding love I’m welcomed to take refuge in. Here in the shelter of the Most High, my restless striving gives way to stillness as I rediscover that I am already deeply known and forever beloved.
From this place of security, I gain strength to embody His grace for others also navigating change with brittle courage. As He makes all things new in His time, uncertainty loses its power to unsettle the spirit anchored in His eternal constancy.
I encourage you to consider giving your allegiance to Jesus. As seasons come and go, change is inevitable - yet our identity in Christ remains steady. By nurturing self-awareness, we better understand our unique purpose and calling in each phase of the journey. Though fears may tempt us, we remember who God says we are: beloved sons and daughters, endowed with gifts to bless the world through. No shifting tide can overturn His anchor within us. As we come home to our eternal identity, we gain courage and compassion to shepherd others also navigating uncertainty and growth. Our times are in His hands; may we rest in who we’ve always been and forever will be as we walk into the unknown: His.
Thank you sincerely for your gift of time and presence today. I appreciate you listening thoughtfully as I unpacked revelations still taking shape within me.
In a culture prone to superficiality, I'm grateful we dove deeper together. Thank you for receiving my authentic struggles and sparks of inspiration with compassion over judgment.
My hope is our exchange nurtured seeds of insight in us both. If my words sparked any comfort or motivation amidst your own journey, then they found purpose.